Somewhere in a parallel universe little Alfie’s natural comedic performance skills were recognised by his doting parents who encouraged and developed his blossoming talent. After several years as a stage school, brat Alfie’s angelic face was launched on stage and screen and the rest is history.

Meanwhile, in this universe Alfie Moore was told to stop messing about in class before being ‘encouraged’ into the grinding, grimy world of an apprenticeship in the Sheffield steelworks. When recession hit he traded steel for copper by joining Humberside Police.

Thirty years of shift-work, initially in the Sheffield steelworks and then as a copper on the beat (where he was punched in the face quite a lot), has left him with ‘a face for radio’. A face not so much ‘lived in’ as inhabited by a settlement of squatters with little regard to property maintenance and repair.